Working Mum Over 35? Why Are You Exhausted All Day but Wide Awake at Night?

It’s 10pm. You’ve been up since 6, worked all day, sorted dinner, dealt with the washing, answered approximately 400 questions and finally collapsed onto the sofa.

You’ve been desperate to go to bed since about 3pm.

But now you’re actually in bed?

Wide awake.

Suddenly you’re remembering the email you forgot to send, tomorrow’s meeting, the school form that needs signing and whether you’ve got anything out of the freezer for dinner tomorrow.

And then you start worrying about how tired you’re going to be in the morning.

Sound familiar?

For many working mums over 35, juggling work, children and everything else, feeling exhausted but struggling to sleep is incredibly frustrating.

And while we often talk about getting more sleep, we don’t always talk about what might be getting in the way.

Being exhausted and being ready to sleep aren’t always the same thing

You can feel physically exhausted while your mind is still busy.

Stress, worry and an irregular sleep routine can all affect how easily you fall asleep. So can caffeine, your environment and hormonal changes.

For some women, perimenopause can also bring disrupted sleep, night sweats and changes in how well they sleep.

And sometimes there’s no single explanation. It’s a combination of things.

The important thing is to understand what’s happening rather than immediately deciding you’re doing something wrong.

Have you actually stopped all day?

Think about your average weekday.

You wake up and immediately start doing things.

Getting ready for work, organising everyone else, commuting, meetings, shopping, dinner, washing, messages, emails.

And somewhere in there, you’re supposed to find time to look after yourself.

Then you get into bed and expect your brain to switch off instantly.

Wouldn’t that be brilliant?

But for many of us, bedtime is the first opportunity we’ve had all day to think about anything that isn’t immediately demanding our attention.

Restoration doesn’t have to begin when your head hits the pillow.

It can start with giving yourself small opportunities to slow down during the day.

That might mean actually taking your lunch break, getting outside for ten minutes or sitting down with a coffee without simultaneously answering emails.

None of these guarantees a brilliant night’s sleep.

But they’re opportunities to stop being constantly busy.

Your afternoon coffee might be playing a part

Now, I’m certainly not going to suggest giving up coffee altogether!

But caffeine can affect sleep for several hours after you’ve finished drinking it.

And when you’ve had a dreadful night, it’s easy to reach for another coffee to get through the afternoon.

You feel tired, drink more caffeine, struggle to sleep and start the whole thing again the following day.

Rather than automatically cutting it out, try noticing when you’re drinking it.

Could you have your last caffeinated drink a little earlier?

It’s a small change worth experimenting with.

You don’t need a perfect bedtime routine

You’ve probably seen the advice.

Have a bath. Drink herbal tea. Meditate. Journal. Turn off every screen. Read for an hour.

All before getting your eight hours of sleep.

Lovely.

But what happens if you’ve only just finished clearing up the kitchen at 9pm?

A good bedtime routine doesn’t need to become another project.

It might be ten minutes reading, a warm shower, putting your phone away or simply deciding that the washing can wait until tomorrow.

The aim is to create a little separation between a busy day and going to bed.

And if you occasionally watch television in bed or stay up later than planned?

That doesn’t mean you’ve ruined everything.

What if you still can’t sleep?

One of the most frustrating things about struggling to sleep is the pressure we put on ourselves.

You look at the clock.

Six hours until the alarm.

Then five.

Then you start calculating exactly how dreadful tomorrow is going to be.

Unfortunately, worrying about not sleeping can make it even harder to relax.

If you’ve been lying awake for a while and are getting frustrated, it may help to get up, sit somewhere comfortable and do something quiet until you feel sleepy again.

And try not to keep checking the time.

Sleep isn’t another thing you need to achieve perfectly.

If poor sleep is becoming a regular problem, affecting your daily life or isn’t improving, it’s worth speaking to your GP. Sometimes sleep difficulties need more support than changes to your daily habits.

Start with one small change

Rather than trying to overhaul your entire evening routine, think about what might make the biggest difference for you.

Perhaps it’s:

• Finishing your last coffee earlier.
• Taking a proper break during your working day.
• Giving yourself a little time to unwind before bed.
• Keeping a more consistent waking time when life allows.

Choose one thing and see how it works for you.

Because looking after your health shouldn’t mean adding another complicated list of things you must do.

Sleep and restoration are part of looking after yourself

When women come to me for coaching, we often start by talking about food, exercise or wanting to feel better in their bodies.

But health is about more than what you eat and how often you exercise.

That’s why my coaching looks at four areas: nutrition, movement, sleep and restoration.

We look at what’s happening in your everyday life, what might be making things more difficult and what you can realistically change.

Not with another set of rules to follow perfectly, but by finding ways to look after yourself that actually fit your life.

Because you deserve to feel better in yourself, not just get better at pushing through when you’re exhausted.

Want some help finding what works for you?

I work with women 35+ who want to feel better in themselves without constantly starting over or adding another set of rules to follow.

Through 1:1 coaching, we look at nutrition, movement, sleep and restoration, helping you find practical ways to look after your health that fit around work, family and everyday life.

Whether you’re struggling with low energy, finding time for yourself or knowing what changes would actually help, we can start from where you are.

Find out more about working with me.

Not ready for coaching yet? You can also find me on Instagram.